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It is a dreadful, yet unavoidable lesson which each and every individual learns. And while they frequently fail for a variety of reasons, possibly the most common — and also the toughest to accept — is when one individual cheats.

For many people, infidelity is regarded as the ultimate dealbreaker. According to some 2018 poll conducted by the Health Equality and Rights Organization, FS magazine and OutLife, 52 percent of respondents who identified as homosexual or bisexual confessed to cheating on their spouses. Even more astonishing, 45 percent of admitted cheaters stated their spouse never found out.

Last weekend, a close friend informed me that one of my ex-boyfriends had cheated on me with his current boyfriend — months before our separation.

This information came as a shock even though we finished our relationship a year ago. To clarify, I am no more teary-eyed mess every time somebody brings up his name, but I couldn’t help but reflect on the joys of our two-year romance. Why did he cheat on me not own up to his activities?

Suffice it to say, I felt really betrayed. For somebody who loved me as much as he said he did, it was bad enough that he cheated; however by not confessing and having me figure out via a secondhand source a year afterwards was the cherry on top of our broken relationship. But even as the angst consumed me (I cried the lyrics to Alanis Morissette’s”You Oughta Know” during the car ride back from UCLA), I could not help but empathize with him because I had done the exact same thing in a past relationship.

Do not get me wrong: Infidelity is unquestionably the worst offense any individual can commit against their spouse, and both parties necessarily wind up getting hurt. If infidelity is this a frequent component of the queer dating encounter, is it truly possible for men to sustain purposeful, honest relationships with one another?

Queer guys have always fought with liberating themselves from the heteronormative constructs imbedded in our ethnic structures. Even though they are often invisible, these thoughts are detrimental to the queer experience for many different reasons, including the fact that they perpetuate sexual hierarchies and divisive stereotypes about men seeking relationships with guys. All these constructs are evident in the transformation of queer culture now: More and more LGBTQ people are embracing monogamous relationships and parenthood.

While monogamy, parenthood and marriage are equally desired, queer people are told their whole lives that they should conform to the status quo, they have to be or behave a certain way to be happy, they should lead normal lives to be able to achieve acceptance. This stereotypical image is now the omnipresent echo of society.

While Stonestreet and Ferguson are commendable for their multi-dimensional portrayals of homosexual men, Cam and Mitchell are merely one of several representations of the exemplary homosexual couple people anticipate, one virtually identical to some other suburban family obsessed with the concept of a white picket fence — that is bullshit in the end of the day. The Cam and Mitch picture, which was made by heterosexual showrunners, is finally a dangerous stereotype as it reinforces the notion that queer people must adapt to a particular lifestyle so as to be generally accepted as normal by society.

As queer men, we’re often told that there’s an ideal we have to succumb to. Sometimes we’re even shamed into believing that there’s a ideal way to build relationships, families and lifestyles. But these attitudes are harmful as they are restrictive to keeping healthy, open relationships. This toxic mindset might be the reason why so many queer men are vulnerable to cheating, and also why they end up cheating. Practicing monogamy is only 1 part of the equation, but it shouldn’t be the default.
Introduction. Infidelity, contrary to what most people assume, is neither rare nor exclusively male behavior nor is it certain to end the marriage.
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Homosexuality:Infidelity is the key to a stable marriage? By Nicole M. King www.MercatorNet.com June 4, 2014. While progressives and liberals argue that homosexual “marriages” or unions are no less stable than heterosexual marriages, even if they are right, the monogamy of such relationships might nonetheless differ.
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By Adam D. Blum, MFT, Gay Therapy Center Founder and Director . Some gay men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex.

When the “relationship contract” has been broken by an infidelity in a gay couple’s partnership, the foundation of trust and respect has likely been damaged. Some men opt to sever their ties, unable to cope with the boundary violation that’s occurred, while others decide to work at rebuilding their relationship.
Summarizing the findings from studies, heterosexual men seem to be more distressed by sexual infidelity than heterosexual women, lesbian women, and gay men. The latter three groups seem more responsible for the difference by reporting similarly higher levels of distress toward emotional infidelity than heterosexual men.
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